So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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