please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just want to make out with him forever
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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