My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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