No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
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