The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize