we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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