You're a womanizer and a bitch.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
