What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
