if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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