I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
