His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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