I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize