Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
