Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
