Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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