No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
