Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
