I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
