Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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