you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Let's get the cat blown out
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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