He uses pillows to masturbate.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
