Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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