Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
