i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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