There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
