It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
