You really coming over, don't trick.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
