We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
