it hurts more in the daytime
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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