I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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