Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize