Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There r osticjed everywhere
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
