I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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