bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
