so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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