my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
