I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
