hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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