Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
