O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
