what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
