wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
