in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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