my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
