so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
