I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
