Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
