So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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