A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
