dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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