He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
