please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
