so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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