If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
