I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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