I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
