I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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