TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
