After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
