I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
