I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
