At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
