I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
