I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
