He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
be right there i have to get my cape
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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