my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize