Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
