We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
