i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
