Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
