how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
