At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
