I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
