Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
