did you get engaged???
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
