she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize