Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
