he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
