On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
