Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
